I made the story about the rain , it's a disease in the rain and she goes into when its raining , hopefully you will get it when you read it. When your reading maybe you can think about what improvement and guess the ending?
The rain in the forest
Dear Mum,
Today was the scariest day of my life and couldn't tell you.
Firstly I will explain what happened but first you're probably thinking I went into the forest and a scary monster and I ran but no , this is a bit more information of the voices in the forest.
It will started as I was exploring the forest next to the lake.
I was the girl in the bubble I didn't want trouble , but for one time I broke the rules and went over the spark france. I was climbing and climbing to the top and I my heart was pumped and my chest was screaming. My nose was running . I climbed over the fence , I even left a note to dad
“ Dear dad I’m just going to the forest I'll be back, well maybe “
Dad was at work .
He was always at work and I always just st so I did a change .
As I was in the forest I felt free and the leaves crushed as I walked proudly , I walked to the tree and sat down. I felt free for onst , I felt the closest to my mum I believe you're up there.
I started to walk and I hear the worst noise is was like nails on a corkboard , But a big bang and a lock , ran to the big mental gate and it was hovering all over the trees I was locked .
My nose starting to bleed and my heart pumped and was frigend for my life , but I thought couldn't breathe with the dust and dirt curling up like a tornado .
I wasn't ready to die oh not today .
I knew what my dad worked for , there is something in the rain .
The forecast was raining The sky was cloudy and open wide to the sky.
It's a disease in a rain .
I started to cry and I lost hope.
This was the end .
But I remembered I got on my phone , The underground tunnel like for this purpose.
The first rain drop started to fall. I wouldn't like much I didn't want to stay , My heart kicked in and I ran.
It was so close , as I closed the door underneath , the raindrop fell into the door.
I opened my phone and it was a live of my best friend , she said it's raining I love rain < But this didn't stop her it landed right on her skin and she dropped down screaming , I couldn't watch < I dropped my phone and cried my heart away .
This was a good place to be in this solution ,
I got my phone and it was the news
“ Everyone stay inside , there is something in the rain under everyone sircomestn you have to stay inside”
I remembered that I left the note on the just hoping my dad will get home .
He gets home at 4.00 pm it was 3.30pm I waited and hoped into my shoulder .
It was time my dad was home ,
He looked at it .
I could him scream in horror like he was right next to me.
He got his gear on and ran into the forest and ready to fight anything,
I was just drowning myself into my tears,
“ please dad find me “ I said in a whisper ,
It was a knock on the door ,
I ran up there in excitement I thought it was my dad .
It wasn't , it was someone screaming in horror I couldn't look and shut the door , I just stayed there in my own sorrow
What do you think about?
What improvement do you think I can do
Can you guess the ending ?
Do you like?
If you ever do a free write tell me in the comments and I'll have a look
Remember to leave a positive thoughtful and helpful comment
Thank you bye
No comments:
Post a Comment
To support my learning I ask you to comment as follows:
1. Something positive - something you like about what I have shared.
2. Something helpful - add more info or ask me a question.
3. Something thoughtful - how have you connected with my learning? Give me some ideas for next time or ask me a question.
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.